My eyes are sad after every fight. Whether I was the one at fault or not, my eyes no longer contain the light that they had prior to the conversation. Harsh words and pointed fingers, retaliation and pieces of old arguments… all of them resurface when we fight. We know that we’re not perfect, yet we speak as though we expect the other person to be. We lay out the bullet points of our argument, saying “this is why I’m right, this is why you’re wrong,” or “you’ve done this before, here you’re doing it again,” or even “if you keep doing this, I won’t be able to deal with it anymore.” You won’t be able to deal with it anymore, so you won’t be able to deal with me anymore. We have every right to appeal for what we’re feeling, what we experienced, and we definitely take full advantage of that right. But how often do we lay all that down and just say, “This hurt me, but I forgive you” and just let it go? Do we know what it means to “let it go”?
We both remember what’s been done to us in the past. As much as we say we forgive each other, the debt has not been forgiven if we still remember, tallying up the points that the other person racked up from snide comments, inconsiderate behavior, and hurtful words, taking this tally sheet out every time we have an argument. How many points must the other person get before we don’t want to be with each other anymore?
True forgiveness, patience, grace, love. Things we need and can work on. How can we say we love one another and not show it in our words and actions?