“God, You are so good to me. I know that You haven’t forgotten about my parents or my best friend. You desire to bring them into Your kingdom, and I ask that You show Yourself to them in all Your fullness. And I ask that You unveil my eyes as well, to maintain hope in Your goodness and seek Your face above all things.”
I haven’t talked to my mom in over a month. I got upset with her the last time I was home, and whenever she tried to call me or text me, I’d be very brief with her. I knew that I had to reconcile with her, and this past weekend, we had a good conversation on the phone. She didn’t apologize for what she did, and I didn’t tell her that I had forgiven her.
We never needed to verbally express any of that.
We laughed, joked around, and just like that, we knew that everything was good between us again. Sometimes I wish I had a different relationship with my mom, one in which we could openly express our feelings with each other without feeling awkward. Maybe it’s a Chinese thing, but I never felt comfortable telling my mom, “Hey, I’m mad at you” or “That really hurt me.” It just tasted funny on the tip of my tongue.
Yesterday, we ended large group by having a time for prayer within small groups. I shared with Liane and Hydie that I’ve always wanted Christian parents who could pray for/with me and guide me spiritually. I’m so jealous of my friends who have the privilege of praying together with their families. I envy those who are able to confide in their parents when they feel the enemy attacking them or when they have doubts about certain things in the Bible.
I think of my parents and remember the confused looks on their faces when I told them about my fellowship and my mission’s trip. They couldn’t understand why I spend so much time with the people there. They couldn’t comprehend why I would lose sleep or time to study just to spend more time with this Jesus guy.
“You’re going to school to get an education, not waste time by staying out late at your fellowship.”
It was already hard enough to translate the word “fellowship” into Chinese, reminding me that the language barrier continues to be a challenge when I share my faith with my parents. I didn’t even want to start explaining to them why I’m currently fasting.
“Why aren’t my parents saved?” I remember asking Hydie and Liane rhetorically. “I pray for them all the time, I pray for Sally all the time, yet I don’t see anything change. I don’t see any… Improvement, for lack of a better word. Why hasn’t God done anything yet? I know God desires to save every person here on earth, and I’ve seen so many people come to Christ, but what about my parents? What about my best friend?”
I’m still waiting for that breakthrough. As I’m fasting and praying, I declare that God is good, and He hasn’t forgotten about my parents or my best friend. He can do all things, He can move the mountains and calm the seas, and I know He can reach my parents and my best friend. I’ve always lacked in patience, and this is no exception. I just want to see God touch their hearts, move in their lives, and show His face to them. I just want Him to love on them and show them what they’ve been missing out on. I just want them to see His goodness and how much He loves them, more than anything I can ever provide for them. I just want them to know Him. I just want them to experience Him. I just want them to finally understand why I can’t see myself living without God, why He’s the most important part of my life.
There are so many things that I could say about this, but I’m giving it up to God. I’m leaving it up to Him to work in their lives, work in their hearts.
God is good.
God is good.
God is good.
And His love never fails.