Most of my good friends and my housemates know that over the years, I’ve compiled a list of characteristics that my future boyfriend/husband should have. These are supposedly non-negotiables that will determine whether a man will be good enough for me. It sounds silly to me now, but here’s the list that I’ve had for the last two years:
1) He has to be a Christian, and He has to love God more than he loves me.
To be honest, I think this one will always be on my list. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle being with a non-Christian, just because we’ll never reach a depth to our relationship that has Christ as the center. My faith is such a huge part of my life that if a guy can’t understand or support me in it, there will always be a disconnect, and I wouldn’t see a future in the relationship at all.
2) He has to be older.
I was so technical about this requirement that I actually told my friends that if the guy was a month younger than me, I still wouldn’t date him. I guess I always associated age with maturity, but I’ve realized over the years that that isn’t always the case.
3) He has to be taller than me, enough so that I can wear heels without us looking like we’re the same height.
I just can’t imagine myself with someone the same height / shorter than me. I think this is reasonable, considering I’m only 5’2″.
4) He has to be Chinese and/or speak Chinese, preferably Cantonese.
Personally, I can only see myself dating a Chinese guy, and it’d be great if he could speak Cantonese because that would help him communicate with my parents better. My parents would be happier with a better sense of communication with my future boyfriend/husband, and everyone would just get along.
5) He has to know how to cook.
I can’t cook or bake for my life, so it’d just be nice to have a guy who can.
6) He must not drink or smoke.
I don’t think I’d be comfortable being with someone who enjoys drinking or smoking. It’s not appealing to me at all.
I’m sure there was more on my list, but I’ve slowly come to realize that this list is just ridiculous. Yes, there are some characteristics that I should be looking for in my future boyfriend, but even that in itself sounds strange. Why should I be focused on searching for my next boyfriend?
I always forget that God has the best plan for my life, and as much as I try to control things and force certain things to happen in my life, God has everything settled. He has my best interest in mind, and no matter who He ends up bringing into my life, I’m sure he’ll be much better than the guy I’m imagining in my head. My friend once told me, “I can’t wait to be at your wedding and see that your future husband embodies none of those characteristics on your list. I’d die laughing to see that list just burst into flames!”
I’d actually love to see that happen. That’ll confirm for me how much greater God’s plan is compared to mine. I’d love to see all my expectations, requirements, demands just shatter at my feet as God brings my future boyfriend/husband into my life who will be the best fit for me, better than this imagined character conjured up from my silly list of requirements.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Maybe I don’t know who/what I really want, so why stress or fret about it? God knows my heart, and all I can do is pray for my future boyfriend/husband in this period of waiting. All I can do is continue to pursue God and unravel the plan He has for my life. I’m sure that along the way, He’ll bring the right person into my life at the right time. Maybe I’ve already met the guy, but he’s just not ready yet. Maybe God will call me to be in a totally different place a couple years down the road, and I’ll meet someone there. Regardless, I am fully trusting in the Lord to give me the desires of my heart, because He knows my heart better than I do.
It would be hilarious to see that list go up in flames though. God has such a great sense of humor with the things that He does; I wouldn’t be surprised if He decided to surprise me with someone completely opposite of the guy I’ve always dreamed of being with. Who knows.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.