• I – Introversion preferred to extraversion
  • N – Intuition preferred to sensing
  • F – Feeling preferred to thinking
  • J – Judgment preferred to perception

I’ve definitely taken this test three years ago, but I don’t remember what I got. I’m almost positive that when I took that test three years ago, I was answering the questions as a different person. As someone who wanted to be seen as social and outgoing. As someone who could take crazy risks and go on crazy adventures. As someone who can listen to logic rather than emotions.

I had to admit to myself that that wasn’t who I was. As cliché as it sounds, I wanted to be someone that I wasn’t, but why? Why did I feel that way? Why did I have to feel like my personality wasn’t good enough?

It took me a while to rediscover my love for books, reading, and writing. Back when I was a kid, I could lay in bed for hours with my face a little too close to the pages, so eager to flip the pages to see what would happen next. Even after my mom had turned off the lights in our one-room apartment in Chinatown, I simply slipped under my covers with my books, a flashlight in hand, and I read until my eyes could no longer stay open. Haha. That’s how I got glasses.

Now I don’t remember why I wanted to write about that story. Where was I going with it? I think I wanted to talk about how as I entered middle and high school, I slowly gave up books for other things that I thought were more important at the time, even if those things didn’t make me happy at all. It’s been a long journey, but as I’m still trying to figure out my identity in Christ, I’m slowly letting go of all the misconceptions and lies that have surrounded me for so many years. I can be honest to myself about who I am, but above all, I can be proud of who I am. There are days that I still question why I can’t be more spontaneous and take more risks, but I know that if I tried to be that person, it would just throw me off for days. I’d probably need a long time to recuperate. Haha. I sound like it could kill me. Maybe it would if I tried to be that version of myself that doesn’t ring true to my being, to the person that God created me to be.

A lot of introspection this weekend. Difficult and confusing, but I’ll be okay. I can be honest about my weaknesses, and that’s the first step to healing and growth.


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