Uncertainty

I remember first moving into my apartment here in Davis. I started unpacking everything and organizing everything, and I thought everything was chill. But, for the next couple of days, I just wanted to stay in my room and not talk to anyone; I needed time to myself. Why? Because I don’t handle change very well. As a kid, I was always used to things being consistent and days being routine. Now that I’m older, things are always changing, and as much as my life is still pretty constant compared to the lives of other people, I don’t handle even the little changes very well. It just takes a toll on me mentally and emotionally, and even if I’m fine on the outside, I feel really uncomfortable on the inside. It took me about a week to really get settled in, and I had to explain to my housemates that this was normal, that I didn’t hate them or anything like that; I just needed time to myself to get used to my new environment.

I feel like I’m at that point in time again, except it’s not about my housing situation. I’ve been feeling uneasy for the last couple of days, and I’m glad it’s been dying down, but a part of me knows that things won’t be the same, no matter how much I want them to be. I want to trust in the stability of my future job, I want to trust in my friendships and relationships, and I want to trust that I can get out of this phase of uncertainty. I didn’t expect to get tested on my faith so quickly, especially after all these crazy experiences I had in the last two weeks. I guess God was preparing me for this time, because He knew that after a victory, there can only be more battles ahead. 

I just have to trust in the Lord that His perfect timing will pull through for me once again, in the same way that it has so many times in the past. 

1 Peter 4:13
But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

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