It’s only been two weeks into the quarter, and I’ve already had too many one-on-ones for my heart to handle. There were so many times when I had to ask myself if I really wanted to talk to these people, if I really wanted to reconcile with them and make things right, and of course, I already knew what I had to do to be at peace with myself and with them.
In just 3 months, I’ve learned so much about community, prayer, and love for God and people. I think being in DCF allowed me to see what it feels like to be in a multicultural community where people genuinely love one another, whether they know each other or not. Despite all our differences (like ethnicity, family background, hobbies and interests), we’re able to come together as one body because of our same love for Jesus. I’ve had so many conversations with my friends in DCF about how different we all are from each other, how we would never be friends outside of DCF if we didn’t have Jesus in common. That’s just so crazy to me. And as I’m getting more and more absorbed into this community of love, I can feel my own heart slowly change. As I’m learning to listen to God’s voice more, I find myself doing and saying things that I wouldn’t picture myself doing or saying perhaps a year ago. As I continue searching for God’s heart and His presence, I sense myself relinquishing the tight hold I had on my own plan for my life and giving it all up to God, because after everything I’ve experienced in the last two weeks, I know that God’s plan is so much better than my own.
Reconciling with Steph was definitely a highlight of my week. I was so encouraged by her willingness to change and be better, especially when she said she wanted to give up her need for control and structure so that God can fill in those spaces in her life. THAT was the best thing I could’ve heard from her, because I know how difficult it is to change something that’s such a defining factor of who you are. She wanted to fix things between me and her, but no, I’m so much more happier knowing that she can change things with her small group now. I was so blessed in that conversation with Steph, and God definitely redeemed our friendship. He knew exactly what we needed, and He provided the opportunity for us to teach and edify each other. I totally felt His presence when we grasped each other’s hands and just prayed for each other, for the plans that God has in store for us and our purpose for God’s kingdom. This moment will always be a testimony of God’s faithfulness and provision, and it just brings me so much joy to retell the story again and again, not because I took a crazy step of faith for God that I probably wouldn’t have taken a year ago, but because I want everyone to know these truths about God and all the things that He can do for every single person if we only allow Him to come into our lives. It’s that simple, but it’s so good. His love is so good.
My mom called me today, right before I was about to shower and sleep. She was ranting about my brother’s anger once again, saying, “I started yelling at your dad about how your brother turned out, because this is exactly how your dad acted when he was a kid. I swear, your brother’s kids are probably gonna be just like him, and I’m just going to laugh.” We joked some more about the men in our family, and somehow I started venting about how tired I’ve been these last two weeks and how I just feel like I haven’t been able to take a break. And she kept asking me, “Well, what are you doing nowadays? Why are you making yourself so tired?” And as much as I stay up at night, I knew that I was just mentally tired from all the schoolwork. Somehow, God used this opportunity for me to share about DCF, and I was able to tell her, like “Hey, I’m super tired all the time, but I know that if I go to my fellowship, if I go to church on Sundays, I know that it will replenish my spirit, and even if I’m tired, I’m happy because I was able to spend time with God and with a loving community.” And she said, “Wow, can Jesus really do that for you?” And my heart just went crazy. “Yes, Mom, Jesus does that for me. And He can do the same for you too.” She pondered on the idea… and changed the subject to the student who blew up his apartment in Davis this morning. Haha. She always does that when I talk about my faith. But I felt like something happened tonight in that conversation, and before we hung up, I encouraged her to go to church with Linda’s mom if she ever had Sunday off of work. I don’t know if that will happen any time soon, but God, I’m so ready for You to just love on my mom and show her Your grace and power.
At the Jesus Culture conference, the pastor talked about 2 Kings 7:3, and he used it as a metaphor for our need to share God’s love to the people around us. As Christians, we’re all blessed to be feasting on the love of Jesus in this time of famine, when people don’t know what they’re missing out on. These people are constantly hungry for more, but they don’t know what they’re hungry for. And I feel this strong calling to just reach out to these people in my life who need Jesus, people who are just struggling to find a sense of purpose, their identity, or even just genuine love. It just breaks my heart to know that some of the most important people in my life are missing out on this crazy good love. And as I’m strengthening my faith in the Lord, I know that I can be used to share this love with them. I don’t know exactly how I can be used, but I know that God has given me a gift, and I cannot wait to open this gift when the right time comes.
God has a plan for me, and I am just so overwhelmed by His presence in my life right now. I just have to maintain this faith in His power and stay hopeful in the things He can do for the people in my life who don’t know Him. I’m way too excited for what’s in store.